What have I done with my life?!
My shadow shades me.
An ode, a sad theme, a bad dream,
I need a strong drink, I think stupidly.
Dark clouds rising, a deep lament to torture me
A storm building a driving force, until words flee.
And suddenly I’m seated internally.
Thinking like pudding.
Sticky sweet and sludgy.
But really, what have I done?
Why has it gone bland on me?
Am I out of positioning?
Or am I exactly where I need to be?
If so, where did its spice go?
Why does it feel like I’m running on empty?
Could it be, that I’ve given nothing of substance personally?
So in turn, life has none to return to me?
I find this terrifying. It chills me to think.
The only thing that can scare me, really.
The reality that when Life comes to meet me,
To see what I’ve done with it’s beautiful seeds.
That disappointment might be what I find myself facing…
The question is burning me,
I am sorry! I’ve been learning!
Is the only excuse arising to meet,
the opposition glaring out at me.
But is it really an excuse if it rings true?
I see myself in a mirror whispering back,
if you only knew, how badly I’ve been wanting,
to be of service, but the builders rejected me, first.
Maybe that was the point of everything…
To prove it’s all vanity.
The meaning, simply to enjoy the life given,
while I learn to breathe.
Then, be and see where the journey leads me,
silence, this feels like peace.
Okay, You have my attention so show me,
what is the meaning of everything?
What lesson am I missing in this moment?
I stand, staring at my thumbprint,
A symbol of a deeper blueprint.
The map and its compass, the lock, and key,
The treasure I seek lies somewhere within me...
Hidden.
But it isn’t forbidden to ask Life to uncover such a thing?
I didn’t read anything in the rule books.
So, consider this my hat in the ring.
Show me the secrets planted for me to reap,
Take me to the garden I am meant to keep.
Unlock the version of me planned to be since the beginning!
Blessings that might take generations to seed.
Bring them to fruition within and before me immediately.
What have I really done?
Make this line of questioning foreign to me.