Cleaning Thoughts That Stopped Me for a Beat of Writing… A poetic reflection

SORRY FOR THE FORMAT OF THIS ONE, I CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHY IT WON’T LET ME SEPARATE THE PARAGRAPHS. Thank you for reading around the inconvenience. <3 I can’t see them each enough, I become greedy for the wonder and beauty, a deep need to capture and keep them each. Never close enough. And so, I set out hunting. Learning to walk softly. Tiptoe, unseen, observing, and watching until the pattern shows through to me. And like a flash of lightning, I reach out and catch them, abducted from the air between. I need them in the jar I carry with me, for cases such as these. To me, it’s all excitement and wonder. Until I grew angry over some ants ruthlessly kicked. Shown no mercy by careless beings, acting out a scene in front of me, don’t judge little B, just watch, and see. Where you’ve done the same thing. Consider the reflection, then forgive, and delete it. Understanding it happens as it does within reason. A choice, the gift, free will to do or do differently. Let the seed sink, do what you can to ease and lighten the journey, For you as much as each that you meet in passing. I can only love my neighbor as I love myself. A promise, not a directive… So stand firm in all things shifting with the sands. Watch what happens naturally when thoughtless beings don’t consider outcomes holistically, forgetting the obvious key. What I give, I receive, so what can I say… I must have been shitty in the one I left behind me, Find myself viewing and shifting, to release shadows that find me. Blowing off steam on things they should have been avoiding at the very least, at best protecting. This trait… that’s what got me, how can you imagine you won’t be dealt with similarly? only to be found as I found me, wondering, why am I being treated unkindly? Forgetting the attitude held when dealing with something seen as small and helpless, with nothing to protect it, easy prey, a plaything, instead of a whole world for observing… I see myself suddenly, the capture, the villain in the story. The unnerving view sends little fingers turning the jar lid to release what’s been captured by me, without asking. Might seem silly. But it was a big lesson for me. No big deal, the one catching… but to the little thing I’m carrying, I can only imagine. I take off the lid and let it do what it will. Inevitably it leaves the enclosing, no clear direction, but away from, me. Then as if it was nothing, it proceeds about its business, bumbling, lighting the nighttime surroundings. A sense of protecting something smaller than me fills my body, and suddenly I’m wondering if that little bug was grateful for it. The writer in me is always seeing magic in what might be misconstrued as mundane. I’ve heard it described in such ways, but to me, this is the yard my mind goes for release, to take my heart for a walk through beautiful scenes. Suddenly, they are overlaid and found throughout the external view of things. Has me laughing, while another I walk with is bewildered over what is funny, they were talking about something morbid, and so in sync with how life uproots and replants me, ever lifted into new branches and venues. I don’t know how to explain the joy ride so I let their spite deliver me to new scenes. Finding other misfits and ragged kings and queens. The outdoor dogs with big hearts for Love and loyalty… and other wonderful qualities, I find most lacking in civilized society. Forgotten not to pee on things just because they’ve been peed on by another. Until the smell overwhelms even the most fragrant of lilacs and roses once potent. A proverbial pissing contest and everyone seems to be in on it. Everyone watching through screens projection shared narratives, without spending equal time within, is dangerous… An eyesore to other senses. Dulling. Numbing. Then, followed by a time filled with nothing. Scary, unwary, never ready for such a space. unFind me roaming where most won’t go, mostly because they don’t know they might find outside of the normal venues, so many new things to mark as territory, and so they remain hidden, by proxy to their grace, and others’ propensity to take what’s easy, and never reach for fear of falling. *Shakes head, sips coffee, making slurp sounds at the trees…* they at least get me to a degree, only the stars above might understand more deeply. Roaming satellites with no roots only tethered, and trusting the leed. A silver and gold tether interlaced with emerald light strings, ever before, guiding. To let go of this would be to drift until I cease to exist. Iron grip developing. Stars and Trees, back to these, clusters and colonies. Two canvases that contain deep hues of comfort and peace. An honorary tree by way of last name, untamed and free agents growing in the unified purpose of spreading seeds and creating. Density and darkness, match those marks on my inside and bring them each to the surface. Pin them to the walls in me, wrapped in red string. To the finale, where I burn them into muscle memory. Integrated and set free as needed. Bind irrational fears in the spectrum of everything able to be, or happen at any moment… safety, hilarious, a delusion, bravery becomes what rises from its shadow and ashes, strengthened into mastery. Brave face, brazen no matter which way the road leans. My eyes are always forward, on where I’m headed, through the curve not into it. No more crash and burn for me… Lesson learned blessing earned, though freely given. A bonfire against the night view above me. Dancing in circles, completing each in my mind, each breath’s an unspoken promise, none left undone in the end, a beginning. All signs point to matching the outside to the internal senses, that without this, not all around me is seen. Alignment alone instigates deep peace, taking each breath with purpose, rise and fall of the chest carrying my heartbeat, the first treasure stored in my keep. An engine powering. Sanctuary, vibrations matching and aligning to the highest degree fed by roots yet unseen by my conscious being. Open me, spread my wings until my eyes can see everything. Eagle eye over day skies, and owl sight as soon as the moon finds her place above me. Just some observations uncovered while digging into the forest surroundings.