I’m learning essential life lessons lately that I feel drawn to offer. I will keep this short and sweet.
When people say, ‘you didn’t have to do that.’ Take them at face value. Acknowledge the response. Let it sink in that they see the exchange as a consequence of their current circumstance, they don’t see you as you are, they see an active outlet to bite into and suck to their hearts’ content under the guise of, I told you, you didn’t have to do it…
This doesn’t apply to everyone who uses it, but if you have a mind of your own, you will feel the difference between someone who feels unworthy of what you are attempting to give, and someone who feels that and secretly hates you for having what they don’t while growing wings of entitlement to what you have based on your willingness to offer them access.
Um, no shit I didn’t have to, I chose to. And if that’s all you have to say about the offering of friendship, goods, emotional support… etc., then the contents of your character are showing me it’s time to take my toys and go home… move on. Jump ship before said vessel sucks the life out of me while it’s sinking. Willfully.
This ‘You didn’t have to do that’ shtick is a covertly narcissistic tactic to discount an exchange being brought to the table.
I only use the term narcissist because it is widely known. In essence, these characteristics are hurt or injured persons incapable of self-reflection; who wilfully stay stuck in their past traumas… over time becoming nothing more than emotional hoarders, body bags full of past shit, who will only bring said shit to the table until they are FORCED to reflect deeper than the mirrors they deflect, and project on.
It is a tactic that allows the broken vessel to take what you’ve given and move on without reciprocation, in energy, motive, intention, or appreciation. Because, well, they told you from the start what to expect through their actions and words.
From now on, when I encounter this, I will be calling it.
“Okay, well, that’s a relief! I can take it off your hands if you don’t need it! Because I did, do, and will need it, appreciate it, cherish it, and find it proper placement..”
There, now the dynamic of the exchange lays heavily on the shoulders of the receiver.
If they truly need it, they will become aware of the need and be forced into asking and coming into the understanding that what you were offering was valuable to them, to you, to whoever it was truly meant to serve.
Fuck irresponsible takers who discount the value brought to the table by anyone but themselves.
LIFE LESSON FOR LITTLE BERNIE:
Don’t give what isn’t asked for. Learn to ask graciously when in need on any level, and show the proper level of gratitude based on the relief, joy, or fulfillment the exchange brings to the table. Do what I can to show the appreciation and care I experience toward whoever I am exchanging personal value with.
Don’t be an asshole.