Secret Garden: Thoughts on Fasting

I was listening to some wisdom while cleaning this morning and got blasted with a fresh dose of insight I had to jump on and share.

CONTEXT: I’ve been feeling a little blocked up lately. The creativity that’s kept me afloat over my entire life was feeling dammed and deflated. Nothing I was putting down seemed to hold weight or water for me. I stopped trying so hard at the advising of a close friend and started doing the sponge thing. Soaking up water from other sources until my facet turned back on.

I was finishing cleaning my kitties litter boxes when the author’s words pouring through my ears finally stuck to the walls.

“When I feeling at a disadvantage, what’s the purpose of starving myself and depriving myself of nutrients I need when I’m clearly at a disadvantage already? Is that how I would treat the plants and animals I love? Does anything in nature operate that way?” The answer trickled in as if a divine finger had poked a hole in my blockage.

The answer I received might not apply to everyone, I appreciate that, but it struck me deep. I’m taking it to heart and I hope it somehow touches yours.

Basic human nature, based on my own experience, has shown me that desperation comes from a perceived sense of lack. When perception of lack abounds the soil is rendered barren, the owner of the field (me) is so busy looking for nurturing the plot of land waiting for me to cultivate it is left to the wind and weeds. It tends to shift and crack to signal it has been malnourished and needs my attention.

When I feel lack I can almost always trace it back to me being a dumb-dumb and comparing my walk to someone else in my environment. That’s about as useful as comparing apples to peach trees, so to speak. Whether I find the examples I’m comparing myself to in my direct environment or I find them while sifting over the internet doesn’t seem to make a difference.

Both versions strike me between the eyes and render me useless until I come to the realization that every person, every story, every path, every tree, is unique. Mine included. My garden is full of things that might look like weeds to someone else at the moment, but once they come into themselves the difference is night and day and beautiful in their own way.

What a beautiful thought that was, and then it led me further into the light. When I am in a desert, would I pass by water and stick my nose up at it because it wasn’t the water I was looking for? Or better yet, would I pass it by because I self-righteously wanted to save it for the next weary traveler at the risk of dying of dehydration myself and rotting away in my lack of understanding and gratitude?

We are told to love others AS we love ourselves. So if I am in a state of unrest, whatever the reason, why would I expect to spread anything but unrest to others? If I am angry, won’t my interactions bear the same angry undertone despite my best effort to hide it and extend something different? If I don’t treat myself well, how can I spread wellness to the people I say that I love? The truth struck me between the eyes. I can’t… whatever is seeded in me at any given moment will bear fruit and that fruit will be handed off to every living thing I interact with. This led me to my next question… Am I a lesson, a blessing, a curse, or a gift to my surroundings?

If I am anxiously questioning myself, my intentions, others’ intentions, my abilities, my worthiness, etc… what makes me think I will be able to see my fellow humans in any different light? So back to the question I started with, what is fasting? What is the purpose? And how do I do it properly to benefit myself and others around me?

Nurture your garden, guard your Intentions against deadly parasitic thought invaders; my intuition whispered back. Life-giving Intentions produce healthy fruits in season… Well great, what does that even mean?

The longer I chewed on the inkling while scrubbing the kitchen counters, the more it started to make sense.

EXAMPLE: (I am going to bear my bum for a second in the hope that this reaches the right gardeners.)

Right now, I am in a season of turmoil, I’m planting in foreign territory, my surroundings aren’t sure of me, my fellow fruit trees are in the process of burning in their own ways, a precious oak in my familial grove has recently been uprooted in a physically permanent way, the heights that once seemed so achievable and exciting have never appeared further from fruition, and the judgments over my actions and choices run deep. The accusations rising against me have been so easy for me to dig into, they’ve started to leech my roots and twist my core a little bit.

So… under these circumstances, and during this season, what is fasting? How is it useful for me? And how do I go about pruning my intentions?

The resounding answer… it is NOT PHYSICAL DEPRIVATION that helps to cleanse my condition unless I am physically bogged down by retained fat or riddled in toxins offered by what I’ve physically put into my body… but fasting is altogether useful, in my case, when applied to metaphysical, spiritual, or mental practices.

FACT: I am not useful to anything around me if I am a dried-up, dead apple tree. In fact, I am LESS than useful because I’m leeching nutrients from the ground and my surroundings so long as I am still rooted in this fashion. My duty is to dig deeper, grow taller and branch out so other living creatures sent my way can find sanctuary in my leaves while my ability to produce physical fruits is still manifesting.

How do I do this? I take in more nutrients than before! I feed myself so I can feed others! It brings to mind the droning voice all of us who’ve travelled on airplanes know well. “Securely fasten the oxygen mask over your OWN face before aiding those around you.” Wow… how freeing, so it’s my duty to be well, abundant, and cared for so that others don’t have to constantly tend to me? Interesting.

So, each season is different but for myself, in this season, since my physical health is operating beautifully. Fasting and praying look a lot like picking the mental weeds and parasites from my being.

Broke judgments, ideas of lack, and broken records playing inside me threatening my mental immunity and emotional agility need to be pruned immediately and starved of my attention. Anything getting between me and my purpose of eventually feeding and sheltering weary travelers who find their way to me has to go. Anything making ideas of dropping an apple on the head of a visionary, to release their own inner greatness, feel far-fetched must be burnt away.

Fasting equals torching these worm webs from my canopy. For some reason it’s so easy to jump on board with these growth stunters… and maybe it’s because a piece of me is lazy and growing takes strength, effort, and endurance. If that is the case, I won’t grow properly until I am motivated to uproot lazy tendencies.

So, moving forward, anytime I hear that sticky icky gunk rising up to stumble and wreck my growth. It’s my duty to starve them out and assure myself of the opposite being true. Reprogram my mind to translate viral thoughts into mechanisms that aid my growing taller, stronger, and better than ever before.

Thoughts like; You are not worthy, you can’t do it, you’re not pretty enough, you’re not fast enough, you’re slow, you’re a failure, you’re stupid, no one likes you, see what they say about you is true, if you can’t help him/save her what makes you think you can help anyone?… These are some of the demons that have found a place in my branches and have continued to squawk at me, until now. I am going to starve these parasitic thoughts to death and plant in their stead thoughts that bear fruit for me and then anyone I am blessed to cross paths with.

I hope this article inspires you to do the same. The truth is, you are worthy, you are loved and you have the ability to love yourself better than anyone else because no one else knows you the way you do.

Be Blessed, Grow tall and prosper! <3