I get it. I am listening. You woke me again from my slumbering.
Laying. Staring at the ceiling. Hoping something will make sense of this feeling.
Time is passing and I am asking is this how I am meant to be living? Deal until I die?
If that’s the case, why even try… If the best I’ve ever known gave up the ghost willingly.
… what’s keeping me, when every breath feels like a burden to me.
A life spend waking wishing to find I’d stopped breathing.
Sweet release, oh… what peace.
How the fuck did dying become my happy place?
I throw the piece of shit away. Ef that noise, what is that?
That thought triggered something, the ceiling started swirling.
Unfurling a million little lights to shine into the night.
Close my eyes, glove on, step in, and stand back.
Shadowboxing until my knuckles turn black.
Absorbing the light with each step I take into the fight.
I’ll wrestle for my vessel any day. Choose my company carefully I have to be here anyway.
Phantoms be damned, I’m over you, no more plaguing me with your fake reality.
I lived through you, you are nothing but a lesson for my reviewing.
Be wind and away from me, trying to grip my narrative. Fuck you…
Were you there when I was beaten out of my body?
Were you there when I was brought back to nurse the carnage,
while surrounded in a town of tyrants laughing and pointing without knowing,
that all they were doing was twisting the existing daggers deeper.
… I didn’t think so, you came in the aftermath.
A symptom born through fear and ignorance faced in my past.
Caught between silence and trying to find a way to explain things.
To beings who hadn’t seen what I’ve seen lying under humanity pulling its strings?
Cutting ties until I’m soaring into the state of being created for me by infinitely loving energy.
The father and mother, brother, sister, kind stranger, and lover to me…
My beloved, thanks for setting the standard for me.
So I could see the difference between what’s truth,
and the scum taking residence now ready to be removed.
Thank you for releasing me from the chains one by one…
then all at once.
Now I’m armed to the teeth I eat the stones thrown at me.
The sticks make for infinite kindling. Five-star meal rating,
as I pick their dust from between my feet spiritually.
No need to fear these things, keep looking, let them flow through,
and then past you… deep breathe.
Let them return to the crown for release,
this is how we find our peace.
I see the sun rising behind the blinds and into my still open eyes.
Funny how such a session can lead to the best restful state of being,
with or without sleep…