SHORT STORY: When Lightning Strikes Twice

Benjamin:

The clouds loomed low, their bellies drug over the skyline to the tune of low rumbling thunder. It matched the demeanor of Ben as he made his way from point A to point B. The sidewalk, once crowded with morning commuters, had dwindled to just a few latecomers scuttling to their destinations like little beach crabs.

He glanced down at his watch as a raindrop splashed over its surface. He wiped it away impatiently. His upper lip shot up to bare teeth at the thought of his colleague stepping on his well-polished shoe. The meeting hadn’t gone according to plan, and it wasn’t the first time Donald had pinned him with questions he hadn’t prepared a tidy response toward.

That fucker makes me look bad one more time I swear to God….

The thought was followed by a peal of thunder that vibrated everything around him. He pushed the door to his favorite coffee pitstop open, sending the bell above into a frenzy.

The line was three deep. He could handle that. The pretty barista was nice enough to look at, and the extra time it would take offered him a moment to collect his thoughts. He poured over the contents of the morning briefing. Each time he went back the smile on Donald’s stupid face appeared more smug and pointed toward his stumbling over notes for answers to questions that potentially blasted his direction into a thousand fragments.

Fucking prick. He’s gunning for my job and he knows it. But everyone else seemed to appreciate his feedback. It wasn’t like it was even good. All he’d asked was if the figures were aligned with the previous quarters projections or if they’d been fluffed to meet the expectations of upper management. Anyone who hadn’t crunched the numbers for themselves could have asked the same question. But it had to be Donald.

The line moved forward and Ben followed after, still lost in thoughts. His face told the story his internal gears were twisting over. His mouth drew into a fine line as the person in front of him did their best to ask about the menu without looking at the area the baristas nametag was pinned to. He scoffed to himself. People were so transparent. He could see right through them.

He rolled his eyes back to the matter at hand, ignoring the obnoxious amount of time the man was taking to place a simple order. On your own time bud. He sliced at the back of the strangers head, directing his annoyance at him for just a second more. Felt good.

Steam blown he turned back to the image of himself tossing the binder to the meeting table surface and launching across it to throttle the little weasel. It evolved into Don launching from the window to freefall the space of 32 stories. He could picture the car alarms sounding from the impact of his body somewhere below. Everyone clapping at his ridding the round table of a useless mouth breather. If only survival of the fittest was still a lesson in play. Fewer people might open their flapping jaws to disrupt progress.

“Hello Sir, what can I get started for you.” The pretty barista smiled, coaxing him into action.

“Americano, three shots of espresso, no room for cream.” He pulled a twenty from the wad at the front of his money clip.

“That will be $5.24,” She reached out and took the bill.

“Keep the change.” He waved dismissively and offered a forced smile.

“Are you sure?” She asked, her smile widening.

“With a smile like that, yes, I’m sure. Best part of my day so far.” He answered with practiced smoothness.

“Thank you sir, can I get a name for the order.”

“Ben.” He offered shortly. Each cut response seemed to draw her further into his façade.

Too easy… people are so easily impressed. He almost sneered as he turned to find a place to wait his turn.

His phone vibrating from the front pocket of his slacks distracted him from the eyes following hungrily after tying a neat bow around the image of aloof carelessness daddy issues can’t seem to resist.

M.M: Looking forward to seeing you tonight. *kiss emoji*

After reading and offering a hurried response he slipped the device back into place. Soon enough the melodic voice sang out his name and slid the coffee cup his way. The barista’s coy expression could only mean one thing. “Have a great day Ben!” She called after him as he made his way to the exit. He kept from looking under the cuff until he was safe from view of the large front window.

As expected the sleeve hid a ten digit number and a name. Bella <3.

Fitting. But another booty call was the last thing on his mind at the moment. He was still plotting revenge.

His phone buzzed again as he took the first sip.

By the time he reached the front of his building, he still had ten minutes to blow. He sat heavily into the palm of a concrete memorial bench. One of six on each side of the walk way leading to the elegant entrance.

He pulled his phone out to find five missed messages. One from Jena, which he ignored completely. Another from Derrick, which he equally ignored. M.M. had sent an image. He clicked and found a small respite from the gloom surrounding him. His heartbeat faster at the message sent along with. Got this for tonight… <3.

He glanced at his watch. before tapping out a response. Looking forward to it. It’s been a shit day.

He thumbed back to the other messages before deciding to let them rest. He gulped down another swig of bitter warmth before taking to his feet once again. The rain was coming down fast now. In the time it took to glance at his watch and slide his phone into his pocket it had already collected a surface of droplets. His break was over anyway.

He walked resolutely for the door. He would get Donald fired… That was that. Then he wouldn’t have to fling him from a window, the fucker would do it himself. He loved his job almost as much as he seemed to love pissing on Ben’s hard work. A grinchy smile swept over Benjamins features as his pocket vibrated relentlessly, time and again. A phone call. He pulled it from his pocket as he pushed through the glass partition.

Jena. He let out a groan. She can leave a message… He shoved the device as deep into his front pocket as it would go before making his way back to the 32nd floor. Halfway through the elevator ride, his pocket buzzed again. The elevator ding signaled his final ascent and the doors opened into the mouth of a busy lobby. The girl at the front desk glanced up from her work and smiled sweetly in his direction before returning to her tasks. His Pocket buzzed again. and again.

By the time he’d reached his office and closed the door he’d received at least seven new notifications. “Jesus Christ.” He muttered, snatching the device into his hands. All of them from Jena. “Fine, what!” His exasperation was palpable, it bounced around the walls.

Jena: Ben, please listen to your messages. If you Can’t Pick up Benji I’ll call your mom and see if she is free. I can’t miss another afternoon. Please get back to me. I don’t want to have to ask Carol…

Jena: Ben, I know your schedule is crazy but this is important. Please get back to me.

The rest were probably more of the same. He spared himself the time and shot to his voicemail.

“You have one unheard message. First unheard message from… Jena Millenbeck. Hey Ben, I’m sorry to have to ask this, I know you’ve had a ton on your plate and things have been hectic at the office, but, I just got a call from Benji’s school nurse. He has been throwing up, again. I would pick him up myself but this is what, the fourth time in two weeks? I can’t leave again or I get a third strike.” Her voice sounded tired as she paused to sigh he could imagine her pressing into her temples. The slightest prick of sympathy touched his heart. “If this keeps up we are going to have to take him to the doctor Ben. It isn’t normal for a 12-year-old to have so many stomach issues, it’s like he’s stressed out or something. I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe he’s being bullied or something and he’s embarrassed to talk to us about it? I know you are busy but I think we should find some time to sit down together with him and see what’s going on? I think it might make a difference if you were the one to pick him up? I don’t know…”

Ben’s fists had formed. What happened to kids these days… he’d been bullied and he hadn’t turned into a pussy about it.

“Anyway,” He could hear office noise in the background. Her voice sped up. “If you could even just… text me back or something, if you can’t slip away, like I said I’ll figure something out but he can’t go back to class with the others since he actually threw up this time, so someone has to go get him. Thank Hun. I hope your day is going well, and I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have bothered you if I thought I could do this myself, I’m… I’m afraid if I step out again I might lose my position, so… anyway I’ll wait for another ten minutes and then I need to get ahold of Carol. Talk to you soon.”

“End of new messages.” He hung up and pulled a hand through his hair. His phone buzzed. A picture of candles, rose peddles and a massive jacuzzi popped onto the screen. M.M: I know how to help with that. 🙂

Ben groaned. He had work to do, he swiped the picture away and tapped his finger on the desk in front of him. His eyes were distant for a moment. He let out a sigh, he set his brow and pulled up Jena’s message stream as a flash of lightning coated the sky in brilliant pink followed by an intense Crack! and a low rumble.

Sorry, I can’t step away, got a project on the line, a senior partner is involved and it’s going to be a late night. We can talk with him this weekend.

*Send*

Momentarily the inevitable response came. Jena: I understand, I’ll figure something out.

A weight lifted from his shoulders. One down. He rummaged through his inbox to M.M.

Looking forward to it. *send*

Felt good. Like answering emails and tossing the ball into a court that wasn’t his own. He thought of Jena trying to juggle her own balls. She was the one who wanted kids… he reasoned, pushing away the knot threatening to leak into his own belly. People need to figure out their own problems sometimes.

Benjamin went back to his day, turning his phone on silent to focus on the tasks in front of him. He had some outshining to do if he wanted to put Donald on the streets. The thought fueled the rest of the afternoon.

At five sharp he packed up his briefcase and headed for the parking garage. As he reached the front doors he stopped. The rain was pouring in torrents. The lightening and thunder, a constant barrage. He turned on his heel and made his way to the underground walk connecting to the parking arena. He didn’t feel like getting wet.

Along the way he pulled up his phone and mindlessly tapped his message. On my way, can’t wait to see what you have for me…

He stepped into the cold air of the concrete storage facility. His phone buzzed and the moment he read the message he stopped in his tracks. Little pin pricks of horror stabbed over his neck and chest.

Jena: Oh Good! I’m just leaving now, going to make spaghetti and meatballs. Your mom was able to pick our sweet boy up, poor thing. I am going to get him on my way back from the grocery store unless you want to get him on your way?

“Shit….” His expletive echoed around him to bleed in with a roll of thunder. He tapped his finger over the back of the phone, trying to think of a way to remedy his fatal mistake. Always check to see who you’re engaging. The wisdom poured in.

Sorry Jena, that was supposed to be for Forest, he was looking over the package to make sure we didn’t miss anything. Sorry. I am going to be another few hours at least.

There… That worked in perfectly, he smiled. easy enough. He shot back to his inbox and sent the same message to the appropriate recipient.

He reached his Audi, his phone vibrated twice almost in unison.

Jena: Oh, darn… got excited but okay, I’ll put the left overs in the fridge for you. Sorry it’s been so crazy over there… maybe this weekend we can have a date night? After we have a talk with little man?

Sounds good *send*

He swiped over again while his engine purred into action.

M.M: I’ll be here… waiting.

The tantalizing bare legs were posed perfectly, insinuating many things. He revved the vehicle into action and tore in the direction of the five-star getaway.

The traffic was horrible. But it was five o’clock. It didn’t help that his wiper blades were in need of replacement. Another thing he’d put off for the sake of others. The lines of cars crept along all around him just slow enough to raise his blood pressure. He looked at the clock. 30 minutes had passed. “Come on.” He fumed tapping his hands impatiently on the wheel. A peal of lightning lit the sky, it was unseasonally dark for the time of year. The wind tore in around him forcing the rain against his sports car and then, a new sound joined in.

“Oh, come on! Hail too? What the fuck is with this day!” He whipped the wheel all the way to the right, seizing the first opening. Traffic sped up enough to let him make his way to the off ramp. “They can have their fuckin’ main roads.” he ranted. His GPS rerouted and pointed him to take a right at the end of the offshoot.

He barely stopped, cutting in front of a large semitruck before punching the gas and squealing his tires.

The hail was coming down hard, the thunder was constant, and the rain was making it nearly impossible to see in front of his own face, but, the road had opened up.

“In three miles take a left on Spruce and 4th Ave.” She directed. He tore past the gas stations and ripped over the road, unaware his tires were hydroplaning. The fuzzy outline of a stop sign went missed, luckily no one was waiting to pass through as he picked up speed. Speeding ticket be damned, he’d had enough of this day.

Before the thought had completed a brilliant flash of light sent sparks flying from the powerline to his right. The surprise drew his foot hard against the brake. In a matter of seconds Benjamin lost control of his vehicle, he spun in a full circle before the car ripped through the median and the metal fence standing between him and a thirty-foot plunge to the concrete below the overpass.

In the chaos, he was barely aware of the heavy crunch shattering his windshield and rolling over the back of the vehicle just before the final metal barrier failed him. On impact, the Audi exploded into flames. His full tank the final strike meant to seal his fate. The unconscious body tethered to the driver’s seat disappeared in the roaring flames before anyone could reach him.

His phone lit up from the ground next to the raging mess.

M.M: Where are you? I won’t wait forever…

Jena: I told him we were taking him on a datenight this weekend. Movies.

The picture attached lit up the screen… A woman with long dark hair and a smile that matched the child squishing his face into her chin. His excitement could be felt through the screen.

Jena: As you can see, he isn’t excited at all. 🙂 On our way home.

The screen went dark on the side of the road as the storm raged against the blazing fire.

>>>——–>

Ariana

“You just don’t understand!”

“I understand perfectly well! You never finish anything you start.”

“easy for you to say, you wanted to be a nurse your whole life! I only started because you told me my whole life it was the only smart thing for me to get into.”

“Because what you wanted to do has no stability! It’s a hobby.”

“Oh, so Orwell and Dr. Suess? Was it a hobby for them too? How about Piccasso?”

“Well, one of those examples when crazy and died before he ever got anywhere. and the other two were the exception.”

“So what you’re saying is I’m not exceptional…”

“No honey, I’m just saying even the other two you mentioned met loads of adversity, and you’ve always been so soft and good-natured I just don’t know that you would handle it the same way they were able to.”

“No! I have no support! That’s the difference! You’ve never supported or believed in me.”

“I do Ariana, that isn’t fair! I am just realistic and I don’t want to see you start another thing you can’t finish! One of these times it’s going to crush you!”

“You don’t know me. You’ve never known me. You are always too busy telling me who I am to actually see me.”

The line went quiet. “Mom?”

A sigh came through. “Ariana, you’ve always had a mind of your own and done your own thing since you were little. I can’t tell you what to do, you’re an adult but I wish you’d listen to me a little more. I’ve lived a lot longer than you have and I know how the world works a little better. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, I’m just worried one day you will wake up and realize you’ve wasted your life on pipedreams. This isn’t a fairytale, this is real life. There’s a way to do things properly. I just think if you stuck with something long enough to finish it you might… I don’t know, you might realize it feels good to finish what you started.”

Ariana choked back a sob. “I have to go, mom.”

“I thought you had the day off?”

“I have to go.” She choked back tears threatening to spill over onto the phone screen pushed against her cheek. She pulled it away and wiped them before they had the chance. She squeezed her eyes closed, her body shook quietly. The conversation hadn’t gone, at all, as she’d hoped.

“Oh… Okay, sweetheart. I just want you to be alright… That’s all. Your dad and I just want to see you happy.”

She squeezed the edge of her jacket balled in her fist. Her heart shattered red over her face. “Bye, mom.” She hung up before her mother could respond.

The dam broke and a wrenching cry spouted from her. Her whole body joined in until she sank to the floor and poured out over the carpet. She sobbed into the gray morning. A peal of thunder joined the anguish as if to show her she wasn’t alone. As if desperately suggesting all of the natural world was watching and pining with her.

The last of the coffee machines’ contents spit into the hopper. The machine beeped three times to let her know warmth awaited her pulling herself from the puddle she’d formed on the floor. Ariana sniffled and wiped the dripping snot from her upper lip. She pulled herself into a ball and stared into the blue and dark grey pattern on the floor. They just don’t get it…

She filed through a million times her family and closest friends had proven just how little they understood. If they don’t get it… then who can? Who will? As if looking for something to combat the notion she tapped her phone back to life and scrolled through her contacts. She watched the names pass faster and faster. Ally, Ashley, Ben, Carry, Dillion, Don, Gene, Henry, Jenny, Joe, Kelly, Loriene, Maria, Tina, Ryan, Westley, Zeek. After reaching the end she scrolled back in the opposite direction. The tears she thought she’d run out of started to leak from her eyes more rapidly as she passed name after name without a single one pinging.

None of them… not one. How could she call and ask people for help when she didn’t even know specifically what she needed. She didn’t want to burden them. They wouldn’t even recognize her anymore. Not like this… I don’t want their pity. She decided.

Pitiful. That’s what she’d become. Someone, not even a mother could love.

She threw herself to the ground again, pictures from the previous three nights of work sank their teeth in. The bachelorette party who’d left after three hours of perfect service without a single one tipping… The group of college guys who’d offered to give her a hundred dollars if she’d give the birthday boy a lapdance and had left a whopping fifty cents after she’d refused. ‘The talk’ with her boss telling her she needed to smile more or she would be put on day shift. The bills she’d received that reminded her just how behind on life plans she was. The invitation to her best friend’s wedding…

She glanced at the counter, remembering all the plans they’d made together before graduation. She hadn’t talked to Jenny in… Forever. The invitation had come as a slap in the face, out of the blue. She hadn’t even known about her engagement.

All the journal entries they’d logged together came to mind begging. Reminding her it was all for nothing, she was just another face in the pews to witness the big day and make joyful noise as they ran from the front doors to the get away vehicle. Another person to add a present to the offering table.

Ariana imagined all the hours, days, weeks, they’d spent cutting out pictures cut from their mothers’ good housekeeping magazines depicting what their future weddings and houses would look like. Jenny was still on track and She?

She looked down at her empty hands before collapsing into them again. Why would anyone want me… Mom is right. I have nothing to show for everything I’ve put my time into. A fresh torrent of tears and sobs burst from her. A roll of thunder shook her apartment. I can’t even afford rent, let alone groceries right now.

She got shakily to her feet. The weight of the world crushing her with each step as she walked into the kitchen. The gloomy outside drenched the counters in melancholy. The steam rolling off the coffee pot lit up pink as it tumbled to the ceiling and disappeared. A glance at the clock told her the darkness still thickly coating the arena was untimely. Maybe I am just tired of the clouds. Maybe I will feel better tomorrow when the sun comes out.

Ariana sighed heavily and followed the weightless maybes toward the fridge. A rainbow of color drew her attention to the familiar face staring up at her. The invitation smiling back drew her in. She turned to face the otherwise empty countertop, she reached for the ray of sunshine and pulled the picture closer.

Jenny was beautiful, to begin with. Her radiant face seemed to laugh up at Ariana. She smiled back, remembering a thousand moments those gleeful expressions had been shared between them. And then, their final conversation almost three years prior swung in like a wrecking ball.

“Na-Na, are you serious? I mean… We decided to do this together and now you’re just giving up?”

“I’m not giving up! Can’t you see how hard I tried to fit the shoe? You seem to fit so naturally, meanwhile, I feel like I’m slowly dying. Do you like what you’re doing Jen? I have to know, I mean, really, or are you just THAT much better at pretending?”

“No! I seriously love it! The people are great! I get to help people for a living, I mean, it hits all the checkboxes. I don’t get you… we had a plan and now you’re just… backing out on me? I know the book stuff takes effort and the hours are long but that part won’t last forever.”

“Don’t patronize me, Jen! Do you think this is helping people? I can’t imagine doing this for the rest of my life. It would be a living hell! Do you call this health care? We’re learning to be pill dispensers! It’s a frickin’ joke! I’ve seen more healing come from the fiction books I grew up on. Those Have the potential to heal and you don’t have to read them twice daily for the rest of your life!”

She could still picture the shock lifting her childhood accomplices face. Ariana cringed, but she’d meant it.

“Yesterday while we were going over suppositories and the hundred other medication types it hit me in the face like a ton of bricks, they offer to help one tiny pointed thing a piece while adding a list ten times longer of potential issues they create, and then seeing patient A’s reaction to having to take her medications, and how no one listened to her THE PATIENT about how they were making her feel? That was bullshit! The doctor even knew it but I got chewed out for telling her, her rights!”

“It isn’t your job to do what you did! That was bullshit! Your job is to follow doctor’s orders, they know what they are doing!”

“Oh really? So that’s why they changed the chart later on and scheduled those doses at different times?! Unbelievable… I expected that reaction from my mother… but not you, I thought you were on my side!”

“I’m always on team Na-Na! But this time I can’t agree with you… It’s hard to be on someone’s side when they’re telling you everything you’ve worked toward is a sham… you’re so selfish Ariana… Do whatever you want but don’t shit on something that makes me happy, just because you don’t have the endurance it takes to finish. That’s so messed up.”

The memory sputtered, the disappointment painted over her best friend’s face melted into the now shining display held close by her soon-to-be husband. Fresh tears spilled over and dropped to the picture, staining the RSVP as each soaked in. A roll of thunder pierced through her. She tossed the note to the counter where it spun in a half-circle. Ariana walked to the fridge.

Who am I kidding? She imagined going into work the next afternoon. Maybe they were right. Maybe I should have stuck with it look where my self-righteousness ended up… She stared into the collage of rejection letters held together in sixty-plus magnets, the difference seemed pretty apparent.

Jenny had accomplished everything, and she… had accomplished nothing.

How could she show up for her old friend’s happy day in her current state? She tried to picture how the conversation might go and plunged deeper into the darkness consuming her kitchen.

Oh, hey Jenny great to see you after all these years. Thanks for checking in on me once in a while, never returning my messages, wow yes your Dr. Perfect is just that, you look… perfect together and what’s that? You have your dream job? And that’s where you met? I’m so happy for you. What’s that? How am I?

She tore open the refrigerator and reached for the almost empty milk carton, tossing the door back behind her. Another pink flash filled the space lighting up the tear streaks and blending with the shades blotched over her face.

Well, I gave up on art… and the stories we told each other growing up? Well, they’ve fallen flat also. My love life? As you can see I have no plus one, on a plus note, I’ve lost all the baby chub in my checks ’cause food lost all taste. So, there’s that I guess. My shining personality has served me, I’m waiting tables for a living and the weekend I got your invite? A bridal party hozed me… Made me think of you.

She laughed at the imaginary conversation playing as she poured equally bitter contents from the steaming pot to mingle with the smidge of milk resting at the bottom. She replaced it to the warmer and watched as tiny clumps formed and swirled around the brim of her mug.

She grabbed the milk carton and pulled it to her face, reading the expiration date through the dim light. Just great…

She slammed the jug to the counter it skipped and slid away, landing sideways and somehow finding the momentum to launch away from the counter to the floor. The lid flew away allowing the spoiled leftovers over the tiling.

She didn’t even look. She kept her eyes pinned to the whirlpool of globs lazily circling the outer rim. She pushed away from the counter and backed into the Island, slowly riding the surface of cupboards and pull out drawers to the floor.

The sloshes of spoiled milk soaked into her pajama pants. She rolled her head toward the glass door leading to her little patio. If only it was four more stories from the concrete, two would never do the trick. The thought made her blink twice. She imagined how nice it might be to never have to live another year like the one she’d been through. Her head swiveled in the opposite direction, her eyes feasted on the collage of shame. Automated we are sorry, we are not even interested enough to offer a genuine response to a lifetime of work, messages. The trail of tears re-ignited over her face. The rain outside seemed to follow along slapping more violently against the glass panes.

She sobbed into her hands as a crack of light opened the dark green sky. Maybe it would be better for everyone if I just, disappeared. It’s not like anyone would miss me. The thought continued. She sniffled and wiped her nose, picturing each name she’d passed over in her contact list. It’s not like I’ve even talked to any of them in… at least a year. It stopped over her mothers’ number. I’m just a disappointment, they wouldn’t have to worry about me if I was just… gone.

Maybe I just need some fresh air. She looked toward the patio and then back at the glistening spots spreading out beside her. She placed her hands on the floor, her palm sank into a small puddle as she pushed on. Gross… I can’t leave the place a mess. That would be pitiful.

Ariana wondered toward the hall cabinet for a rag and cleaner. The smell of sour milk following her. The wet spot on her backside swooshed uncomfortably veering her toward the bedroom for a fresh pair of pants. She hoped out of her soiled pair as a boom of thunder shuttered through the apartment. Jeez… This storm.

She tugged at a pair of jeans on the shelf above her head without looking up. Down they fell with something else that clattered to the wood floor beneath. “What the heck?” She mumbled, stooping to pick up the white binder. She lifted it from the ground it lay sprawled out over and flicked on the light. The front was glittered in shiny stickers.

ARIANA’S SPECIAL BOOK. It boasted in all colors of the rainbow. Underneath in red sharpie. DO NOT OPEN. TOP SECRET!!!!!!!!!

She wiped fresh streams from her streaked face and crouched to scoop the sprawled pages of the scrapbook into her hands. A smile drifted over her lips at the chicken scratch she’d tried so hard at the time to perfect.

She’d taken time on the sticker placement, she remembered it clear as day. A rainbow here, a smiling pig there, a spotted horse peaking from between the I and A in the middle of her name. A penguin marching from the bottom left corner toward the pretty pink and yellow flower blooming at the center and a fox trotting toward the same point from the opposite side. The sequin sun shone from the middle of the baby blue book cover. She traced the small outlines of black sharpie seagulls she’d learned to draw to make it seem as if they were flying straight into its orange squiggle rays. She nestled it into her lap and opened it to the first page.

*TOGETHER FOREVER*

Under the caption were two childish signatures. The stick figures holding hands underneath it, one with two straight lines of black hair and bangs over the forehead, the other with golden curls surrounding the head like a lion’s mane. A hiccup of laughter escaped her lips. She sniffled, remembering the argument they’d had over who got what stickers and where they should be placed. Jenny’s mom had ended the spat by threatening to take Ariana home prematurely.

Her eyes carried over to the next scene, a collage of cutout pictures they’d gotten in heaps of trouble for taking from family photo albums. Her finger drifted over the smiling faces from birthdays, camping trips, and outdoor adventures passed. They were so happy back then. Nothing could have come between them back then.

A sheet of lightening lit the small closet in pink, softening the features of its contents. The bang and rumble that followed obediently after left a sense of wonder in its wake. What had changed? What had changed?

The question shook Ariana’s insides awake as she turned page after page, using her phone to illuminate each in the building darkness in her surroundings. The rain was pouring harder than before but she was lost in a different world. One full of light, adventure, laughter, and doing what she felt was right, not what she was told. That’s what changed…

She stared off into the distance, looking through the wall and into a million examples and comparisons proving the statement true. She’d never thought of it that way before but if that was the case, how come some people seemed so happy fitting into the mold. Things aren’t always what they seem.

She followed the inkling into her lap. The faces staring back were full of joy, she looked closer, reaching above her head to flip the switch. She and her mother and father were smiling into the lens, holding each other close, but there was a distance. She traced the outline of their faces. They were at the Dino Dig, she’d found her first fossil in the sandpits and was truly ecstatic but… Her parents looked like two magnets turned so their ends opposed each other.

She flipped to the next page, they were the same, the distance ever-growing as the timeline expanded into her middle school years. By four more pages in they were a shoulder-length apart, always Ariana in the space between. How had she never seen it before… How had their divorce in her Junior year surprised her? The distance was there long before the separation. Had the same thing happened with Jenny? She flipped to the final page. It ended with each of their graduation party invites posted side by side with little BFF hearts all around it. It had been Jenny’s present to her. The finished product of the 17 years they’d spent across the street growing up together.

They were going to be together but couldn’t agree on a venue so Jenny had made the executive decision they each have their own and celebrate together after the formalities.

Maybe that’s the cost of growth… Directions can change and that should be alright… She closed the book. So why did it feel like everything had come crashing down the moment she fell out of alignment with other people’s ways. If anyone should understand that process it should have been her mother and father. She hadn’t chosen to be born… That was on them. A new feeling bubbled up inside of her, a sticky resentment pricked through the surface of sadness. They had chosen to get married, they’d made the promises of til death do we part, both were very much alive and yet…

She tossed the book to the side, they’d chosen to have her, they’d formed expectations over how she might turn out, why should she have to pay for all of those things. They’d cultivated her artistic side, demanding she take piano and art classes but when she decided to take them seriously and fall in love with the peace they gave her their support had shifted to concern.

Ariana rose to her feet. How dare they hold her to a standard not even they could keep. Why should she feel responsible for the weight they’d put on her shoulders. She’d never promised to do those things… She had tried until it almost killed her. It had killed her, and what did she have to show for the pain?

The prick turned to a bramble of pins driving themselves into her heart. She snatched the fallen pants and stuffed each leg into its proper place. What do you do with a failed investment? Well… according to them, you toss it away. The bitterness built and churned in her belly. You toss it away… A new resolve grew. What happens when you lose your scapegoat? She flipped off the light and walked to the hall closet, plucking a wad of paper towels from the cleaning basket.

You have to face yourself. She didn’t have any tears left as she walked blankly to the mess she’d made. They don’t care about me, if they cared, they’d try to understand. She reasoned. They’d have tried a little harder to get to know me. She tossed the soiled paper towels into the trash and walked absently to the French door leading to her patio. To bad it isn’t another four stories up… two would never do.

This time the thought felt familiar, the anger building released its hold momentarily. Maybe they’d get it if I was gone. It’s not like I’m going anywhere anymore… She thought of the scrapbook she’d found. I’ll never be that carefree again. The only good part of me is dead, I can’t bring it back after all this… She glanced at the wall of rejections her eyes drew a line to the spoiled milk jug. Maybe. Maybe I missed my mark, I wasn’t used properly in time and now my contents are spoiled. Time for a new carton…

A boom of thunder rattled the space. Maybe I just need to clear my mind. She settled on the thought and made a beeline to the coatrack leaving her phone on the counter.

Maybe the rain will wash all this away. The thought built momentum until she was already into her raincoat and boots. She glanced back, thinking for a second of grabbing the device before turning her back on it. Without locking the door she made her way down the hallway toward the staircase.

>>>

The wind was blowing the rain right into Ariana’s face but her hands never moved from her pockets. She was halfway to the store before realizing she hadn’t brought anything to buy a new gallon of milk. She’d left her wallet in her backpack, tucked away with her headphones and drawing utensils. The numbness at her core had bled into her fingertips, leaving her feeling nothing. The lightning had picked up frequency and where that might have risen the alarm any other day, she didn’t give it a second thought. The idea of being struck offered a sense of relief.

Her silent tears camouflaged themselves perfectly with the downpour. Vehicle after vehicle passed rushing over puddles and tossing the contents into her face and jacket from the ground up. She watched the battle between the fresh drops and the mud splatters. In the end, they all ran downstream and flushed themselves away. She shoved her hands deeper into their cold plastic pockets. I am invisible… The thought invaded as she drew near to a large maple tree just before the overpass. A new sound over threw the thunder and rain. Little white pebbles bounced all around the outer brim of the canopy of leaves protecting her. Ariana stopped, taking in the addition, a heavy sigh pushed her forward. The tiny frozen stones beat against her covering, she swallowed hard as one stung against her cheek, and another, and another. The perfect parallel to the thoughts keeping her company.

No one would notice if I disappeared. No one would care until they found me. Then it would be all about them anyway. How my disappearing had affected them, how my not answering them made them feel. No one ever asks the right questions, no one is ever really interested in the answers anyway. Everyone is too worried thinking of their own view of things to give a shit about anyone else…

She watched the flow of traffic speed up as everyone sought shelter from the pelting hail stones. If that’s completely true… Why do I care so much.

She’d stopped at the thought, letting it sink in. She didn’t want to care anymore. Her heavy footsteps had led her to the middle of the bridge. The weight grounded her as the wind blew harder, tossing the frozen stones into her face. She turned toward the road crossing over beneath. She squinted into the distance, all she could make out were the red and white lights buzzing to and fro. I wonder if it would hurt. She choked on the thought, her throat tightening. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t…

She stepped menacingly toward the concrete barrier, placing her hands on the wet metal. Just one, she begged. She lifted a foot to the ledge.

Maybe this was the plan all along. Maybe this is how it was supposed to be. Maybe this was the best possible outcome. She pictured her phone sitting on the counter, the spilled milk, finding the lost book, all the things that had to go just right to leave her with no final strings to teether her feet to the pavement. She reached her hand to the low chain link. All I have to do now is let go… Fall forward, and let go…

She looked down again at the open space between her, and the final destination. A surge of adrenaline pumped through her, A thrill shuttered down her spine at the height, just as Ariana closed her eyes a loud crack and the sound of electricity sparking swung her eyes in the direction she’d come from in time to catch the tail end of a lightning strike, the surprise threw her off balance and before she could catch herself a gleaming black Audi veered off course careened toward her, the impact plummeting her into utter darkness. Everything fell silent.

>>>>

Beep… Beep… Beep…

The steady hum of hospital equipment blurred into focus.

“Mmmmm.”

“She’s awake! Call the Nurse quick, Don! Call the nurse, she’s waking up!”

The commotion was lost in the sudden feeling of something in her throat.

Ariana felt like she was swimming in a sick nauseous pool of numb. She gaged. Under the feeling of nothingness she could sense aches and pains throbbing as she came back into her body. A finger twitched and her swollen eyes blinked.

“She’s awake! She’s Awake, nurse! We need someone in here! Hello!” Ariana recognized the voice, it was her mother. “Screw it I’ll do it myself!” She would have smiled if she could have but whatever awful thing was in her mouth felt like it was choking her. The sound of tap and a pressure on her face along with a steady pull and pressure and then all at once the desire to gasp and suck air into her lungs caught her into a flurry of wet coughs.

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay, mom and dad are here sweet baby. Aw Don, oh look at her face.”

“Stop it Gena, she doesn’t need to hear that.” The familiar voice chided through the maelstrom of confusion. Ariana groaned.

“Ma’am please step back,”

“It’s okay I’m a nurse, you were taking to long, she was choking on the…”

“Ma’am I know she’s your daughter, you have to leave this to us, please, if you are a nurse than you know there is a protecol to these things.”

“Damn your protocol! My daughter is waking up, look at her, you know she’s already in pain, my poor baby.”

“Gena, come on, I’m sorry, I’ll take care of this. Thank you. Thanks.”

Ariana tried to open her eyes but the lids wouldn’t come apart. It was as if they’d been taped shut. Ariana couldn’t remember anything leading up to the moment. She was confused. The last thing she could picture was… blank. Nothing. She reached out for the voices speaking but not a piece of her moved. She groaned again the confusion building.

“Ma’am I need you to remain calm, we still don’t know the extent of the damage, it’s a miracle she’s alive.”

“My baby is the strongest girl I’ve ever met, if anyone can fight it’s that girl.” Her mothers voice was choked. “It’s okay baby, momma’s right here, I’m right here baby, just hold on stay with us okay.” The voice was receding as it spoke.

“Gena, come on, let them do their job. The doctor is on his way right now. Come. On.”

“I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. Baby stay with us. I promise! I promise I’ll never leave you alone again!” The frantic monitors sounded all around her as a flood of footsteps rushed in, drowning the voice into the background.

Ariana sank back into the quiet, letting go as a strange warmth gathered around her like a blanket fresh from the drier.

She fell away to a single inkling. Fresh start.

>>>—–>

BE KIND TO EVERYONE YOU MEET,
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU ARE ENTERTAINING ANGELS <3